


Castiel's Grace is Gone

by GlassRoom



Series: Dean and Cas [8]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Comforting Sam, M/M, Nervous Dean, Sick Cas, no grace
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-29
Updated: 2016-01-29
Packaged: 2018-05-17 02:36:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,583
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5850841
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GlassRoom/pseuds/GlassRoom
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel runs out of grace</p>
            </blockquote>





	Castiel's Grace is Gone

**Author's Note:**

> no smut here...maybe next chapter ;)

Dean rushed over to his closet to find clothes for the day. Underwear, socks, jeans, those were easy enough. But shirts were becoming a problem. He wanted to wear the ones Cas had picked out for him but wearing them all at once was just silly. A small laugh escaped him when he realized he was acting like a goddamn lovesick teenager. Finally he chose the first shirt that Cas had selected on their shopping trip.

Slipping the shirt on he wandered over to the mirror. There he buttoned the bottom up quickly to avoid seeing his soft belly. _Really gotta work out more,_ he thought as he debated how many buttons to leave open. _Stop being silly,_ he thought with a shake of his bowed head. He caught movement in the mirror and saw it was just him, grinning like a fool. His hair was sticking up from the shower so he fussed with it until it was the way he liked. An image of Cas' dark, wet hair from the shower appeared in his mind creating a flush in his face and neck. _Get a hold of yourself._ A deep breath and a few minor adjustments and he was ready for breakfast.

The first thing he saw when he opened his door was Cas. Cas dressed as usual in his overcoat. Cas standing across the hall. Cas' smile. Cas' damp hair. Cas. Just...Cas. “Is the shirt I chose comfortable?” he asked with a grin.

It took a minute for Dean to remember how words work in his mouth. “Yeah...I uh....yeah, it is. Thanks.” Dean self-consciously smoothed a hand over his belly. He wanted to look his best but at the same time wanted to look normal. Or naked. Naked and in a bed with Cas. Naked Cas. _Stop it!_ he told himself. “OK, um, breakfast right?” 

Deciding not to wait for an answer, Dean closed the distance between them. He lifted his hand and rested it softly where Cas' jaw met his neck. Cas leaned into the touch without breaking eye contact, pupils huge with desire. Dean felt Cas' hand on his hip pulling him closer. He let himself be drawn in to Cas' embrace, moving his hand to Cas' hair and the other around his waist to the small of his back. From there he leaned down and brushed his lips lightly on Cas'.

He heard Cas moan his name quietly right before Cas returned the kiss with passion. Dean grunted slightly as he melted into Cas, pushing him up against the wall. 

“How about breakfast?”

Startled, Dean broke away and started to separate his body from Cas' while staring at Sam. “Um...”

Cas reluctantly released his hold and prepared to be pushed away again, disappointment oozing from him as he felt Dean's hand leave his hair.

Dean glanced at Cas' downturned head and felt a rush of assholishness for how he pulled away so fast. “Um, french toast OK? And bacon?” Dean tightened his hold on the back of Cas' shirt thereby drawing Cas a little closer. He felt a tentative hand press into the middle of his back where Sam couldn't see.

“Yeah, that would be awesome! I'm going to grab a quick shower first, get the sweat off. Think you guys will be done making out by then or should I start breakfast without you?” Sam was wearing a huge smile that lit up his whole face. 

“No! You are a terrible cook, sorry Sammy. We'll get it started, you shower.” Dean started to relax. It didn't look like Sam was going to make fun of him or freak out about what he saw.

Sam laughed and took a step or two backwards. “Hey, I can make cereal. And coffee.” He turned away and headed for the showers.

“Guess I'm making french toast.”

“You may need to release the death grip on my shirt first.” Cas' eyes danced with amusement before turning serious. “Thank you for not pushing me away.”

Dean suddenly couldn't meet his eyes. “I did though. I did and I promised I wouldn't.” He closed his eyes and waited for a reprimand.

Instead, Cas leaned in and kissed him chastely near his mouth. “You did well, the best you could. You didn't let go, you held on. Thank you.” Cas completed the embrace, holding firm without being restrictive. Muscles Dean didn't even know he tensed were loosening up, as did his hold on Cas' shirt. 

After a few deep breaths into Cas' shoulder Dean felt steady again. Steady enough to pay attention to the loud rumble of his stomach. “Food. I really need food.”

“Yes, food would be a good thing. I'm hungry.”

Dean pulled away completely, concern etched in his face. “How can you be hungry?”

“The grace is gone now.”

Dean was speechless for a beat. “How? When? Wait, it wasn't because of what we were doing...was it?” Panic started settling in his skin. _Did I do this to him? How could I have not noticed? Will he be OK? Ohmygod what am I gonna do?_ Dean's thoughts ripped through him.

“No, it wasn't because of anything we did.” Cas took his hand and led him to the kitchen. “It was happening anyway. It wasn't my grace so I burned through it. But Sam has a good idea of where to look for mine, I'm sure we'll find it.” Arriving in the kitchen Cas began to pull out ingredients for breakfast. 

“Are you OK though, like, really?” Dean fussed with milk and eggs in order to calm down a bit.

“Mostly, yes. Weak though, and tired. I may take a nap later.”

Nap. Oh sweet heavens a nap. Curled up anywhere with warm, sleepy Cas nestled in his arms. Nap.

“Dean, hello? Anyone home?”

He spun around and saw his brother looking at him weirdly. “Uh, yeah. Fine. Cas'...” Dean's voice broke. Clearing his throat, he turned back to the counter and cracked eggs into a dish before continuing. “Cas' grace is gone.”

“Oh. Cas? How are you doing?” Sam's voice was tender.

Cas gave a little shrug. “Hungry. Tired.” A faint blush crept over the bridge of his nose. “Worn out. Will you be able to find my grace with the information I gave you?”

“Yeah, yeah actually. I think I know where to look.” Sam went into a brief description of what to expect as Dean plopped gooey bread onto the hot pan. It took a minute to realize his brother hadn't responded to anything he had said. “Dean, you're quiet.”

Dean pushed out a breath as he flipped the last piece of toast. He handed plates and silverware to Cas and pointed to the table. Trying to find the right words, he loaded a serving plate with the mountain of french toast and bacon. “I don't want Cas to come with us.”

Cas and Sam looked at each other and waited for Dean to continue. “He's human now. If he gets hurt, he might-” Dean dropped the heavy plate in the centre of the table and took a shaky breath. “He might die. I'm not having any of that. We don't have to go too far. We will just-”

“Dean.” Cas' voice was kind but firm. “I don't know if I like that idea.”

“Cas. No.” Dean was adamant. He poured some coffee and put food on his plate. “Just. No.”

Sam and Cas exchanged a look over Dean's bent head. “Well, I guess Cas could stay here.”

“Sam,” Cas grumbled. “I want to go too.”

“Actually, Dean has a good point. You are weaker right now and the travel alone might be too much for you.” He ignored Cas' frustrated noises. “Better to stay here and get some rest. We won't be too long and you know us, always safe.” Sam pointedly did not look at Cas and instead tucked in to his meal.

“Cas, please,” Dean said very quietly.

Cas finally relented. “Fine. I will stay here. But I won't like it.” He stabbed a chunk of french toast and put it in his mouth with a groan that sent pleasant shivers down Dean's spine. “I missed food.”

Dean's shoulders collapsed with relief. “Thanks.” He leaned over and gave Cas a kiss near his ear. Cas acknowledged it – barely – before practically inhaling the rest of his breakfast.

Sam just watched them with delight. “You guys are adorable.”

“Sammy.” Dean warned.

“Nope, uh-uh. You do not get to be mad. You get to be adorable to me. Now, you going to have that last piece of bacon before I get the dishes done?”

Dean didn't react fast enough. Cas reached over and snagged it before Sam was done talking. 

“Hey now,” Dean feigned irritation. 

Smiling, Cas broke the strip in two and gave Dean the smaller half. Dean took it from Cas' slightly greasy fingers. Images of those fingers in his mouth started to roll around in his head. Sucking the grease off one finger at a time. How Cas would make that wondrous noise from the back of his throat.

“Dean!” 

He jumped. “Sorry, what Sam?”

“We have to plan out the trip, we can leave soon.”

Dean tore his attention away from Cas' beautiful hands and nodded at his brother. “Yeah we should get that done.”

“I am going to watch a movie.” Cas got up, rubbing his full belly. With a disgusted sound he said, “do you know what I don't miss? Urinating.” Dean smiled as he watched Cas leave for the washroom. 

“All right, how much planning do we need? What supplies again?”

Sam rolled his eyes. He knew he'd told Dean all of this already, probably twice, then remembered where Dean's mind has been. “Look, why don't I do all of that while you have some time with Cas before we go.”

Dean was practically out of the kitchen before sending a noise of consent behind him. Rushing a bit, he managed to meet Cas right outside the bathroom door. “Hey.”

Cas startled. “Hey.”

“Sam's making all the arrangements so we have some time...” Dean didn't need to elaborate. 

Cas' shy smile slowly crept across his face. “Whatever should we do.” He didn't bother to wait for an answer before kissing Dean.

Dean's hands immediately went in between the layers of Cas' clothes so he could feel the heat of his back through the shirt. Cas moved his head away so Dean dove into his neck, trailing kisses wherever he went. He pressed his hips up against Cas to show him how hard he was and noticed something missing. There seemed to be no hardness in Cas' pelvic area. Dragging his mouth away from him he tried to catch Cas' eye. “Cas?”

“Sorry.” His gaze flicked up at Dean's face before settling on his shoulder again. There was a battle playing out on Cas' face.

Confused, Dean watched Cas for a moment. “Hey Cas,” Dean said softly. “Can we make a deal right now that no matter how bad one of us wants sex, if the other doesn't then we back off? No pushing, no nothing, just...stopping.”

Relief flowed over Cas' body. “Yes, we can. And Dean...can we start that now?”

“Yes, absolutely. We don't have to do anything.” He felt Cas lean in slightly so he gathered him up in a hug and just held him for a bit. “What would you like to do? I can see something is bothering you, is it about us leaving you behind?” 

Cas burrowed into Dean's shoulder before answering. “Yes. Partly. I also ate too much I think. I don't feel...right. And I'm so tired.” 

Dean considered a few options. “Well, how about you get back into comfy clothes and meet me on the couch. We can cuddle and watch Netflix until you fall asleep.”

All remaining tension slid out of Cas. “Yes, please. I would like that.” 

“All right.” Dean planted a kiss on Cas' head and released him. “Meet me on the couch?” Cas nodded and Dean led him to his bedroom. “You're good?” Cas nodded again. Reluctantly, Dean left him to change while he went to set things up.

Luckily there was still a blanket on the couch from the last movie night. Dean made sure a couple of the cute throw pillows Charlie had brought were nicely fluffed as well. He just finished loading up Netflix when he heard Cas shuffle into the room.

Dean's heart broke a little. Cas looked so lost and uncomfortable. “C'mere,” he said gently, getting up to guide him to the couch.

Cas gingerly sat on the edge before lying down on his side. Dean positioned himself behind Cas so he could cuddle. “Is this OK?” Cas simply nodded. “One thing...um...I might poke you....just ignore it.” Cas nodded again. Dean settled in and found Cas' profile on Netflix. “Do you want to watch anything in particular?” Cas shook his head. Dean selected the first thing under My List and hit play. Then pause. “Cas?” He felt Cas turn slightly towards him. “You aren't talking and it's freaking me out a bit. Will you tell me what's wrong?”

“Digestion hurts.” Cas' voice was so tiny Dean almost missed it. 

It dawned on Dean that Cas body wasn't used to food. Especially heavy, rich, fatty food. He pulled his phone out of his pocket and shot off a quick text to Sam. **On the couch, bring me a water bottle.**

**What are you, fucking 5? Get your own damn water.**

**Cas ate too much. Food isn't digesting. Think he needs some water.**

Dean was about to send another text when Sam arrived with two water bottles and a face full of worry. “Cas, Cas you OK?” Cas started to nod, then shook his head. “Here,” Sam uncapped a bottle. “You need water to digest food. Don't gulp, just sip.” He held the bottle to Cas' mouth and tipped so some dribbled in, and some on the couch. “Cas do you think you are going to be sick?” Cas shrugged a bit. “Here, I'm going to readjust you guys.” Sam put the bottle down and grabbed all the pillows he could find. He indicated for Dean to lift Cas' torso up. “Let's keep you somewhat upright.” Sam tucked every pillow under Cas and Dean so their upper bodies were elevated. Then he shook out the blanket and draped it over them both. After short consideration, he also put a bucket nearby. “Drink the water Cas, all of it, slowly.” Cas nodded. “Now Cas. Drink some now.” Sam pressed the bottle into Cas' hand and guided it to his lips. Cas drank. “Good. Drink more in a minute. Keep doing that, little drinks, until the bottle is empty.” Cas nodded and had a bit more.

“Sam,” Dean said shakily. “Thanks, really.” 

“Yeah no problem.” Sam directed his attention back to Cas. “Drink.”

Cas had started to squirm a bit in Dean's arms. Small distressed noises were coming from his throat as he rubbed his stomach.

“Uh, Sammy, I don't think his breakfast is going to stay inside.”

“Yeah I'm getting that too.” In one fluid motion Sam got Cas sitting up and leaning over the bucket. “Cas just let it happen.”

Cas made a questioning noise before filling the bucket. Shaking and spitting he managed to whisper “awful”.

Sam huffed out a laugh. “It is awful. Rinse your mouth.” Cas did. 

Dean grabbed the box of tissues and gently wiped Cas' mouth. “You done?” 

Cas was still trembling and grabbing his belly. A spasm shot through him and he dry heaved a few times.

“OK, you're empty.” Sam and Dean looked at each other, Dean a silent 'seriously, thanks' and Sam a silent 'yeah no problem'. Sam took the bucket away while Dean wrapped Cas up in the blanket. 

Dean whispered all the comforting words he could find as he settled Cas back on the pillows. He found the water bottle where Sam had left it and brought it to Cas' lips. “You still have to drink, please Cas.” He accepted the bottle and took a small sip. Dean knelt on the floor next to the couch, keeping a hand on Cas as an offer of comfort.

“Stomach. Hurts,” came a little voice buried in the blanket.

“Yeah, Cas, I know. I should have eased you into food.”

“My fault. So good.” The water bottle crackled in Cas' hand as another spasm ripped through him. Dean felt tears rise up from a place in his soul he didn't know existed as he watched Cas try to ride out the cramps. 

Sam appeared from nowhere with a mug of tea. “Cas, drink this, it will settle your stomach.”

Cas gratefully handed off the mangled water bottle and took the mug of tea. “Peppermint?” He croaked after a sip.

“And sugar.” Sam saw the question on Dean's face. “Charlie taught me. I don't know how Cas will react to medicine...so I thought of this.”

Dean lifted an eyebrow and nodded his head in his usual 'what the hell, whatever' motion. 

A few tentative sips calmed Cas' trembling. His face relaxed just a tiny bit. A few more and the cramps appeared to subside. Cas eyelids became heavy and his blinks longer. Dean continued to gently rub and touch him where he could reach, murmuring all the calming words he could find. He watched as Cas' breathing became deep and even. Very gently, Dean took the mug from Cas' loose grip. He set it aside then brushed a faint kiss on his damp forehead. 

Dean watched for a little while to see if Cas would wake up. Only when he was certain that it would be a while he got up and shakily made his way to the kitchen. On his way he became vaguely aware his cheeks were wet. He wiped them with his hands wondering how long he'd been crying. 

“How's he doing,” came a low questioning voice from the table.

Dean jumped about a foot. He hadn't noticed his brother leave the common area or that he was in full view at the kitchen table until he spoke. A fresh rush of tears threatened to spill so he turned away and cleared his throat. “Sleeping.” He opened the fridge for a beer but thought better of it and slammed it closed. “Thanks for the help,” he muttered, staring at the sink with his back to Sam.

“No problem.” Sam paused. “How are you doing?” 

_Well, I'm a complete failure for giving Cas heavy food on a new stomach. I am absolutely useless at knowing what to do when he's sick. I didn't even know about peppermint tea. I'm a huge fuckup and I think I did something to make Cas' grace go away._ The tears won the battle. Or maybe they had never stopped, Dean couldn't tell. A sob escaped and with it the last vestiges of control over his emotions. He felt a warm hand on his back offering comfort he didn't feel he should have. There was a weak attempt at shaking Sam's hand off but ultimately he relented and allowed Sam to actually hug him.

“Cas is going to be fine. Just a rough patch while he adjusts to humanity again.”

Dean pushed away, shrugging off Sam's comfort. “I don't know how to help him,” he finally admitted while discreetly wiping away his tears.

“You will figure it out.”

“But you already know, how do you know what to do?” 

Sam looked at Dean with as much patience as he could muster. “Dean. Do you remember all the times dad came home shitfaced? How many times I had to clean him up? It's the same thing, just one is from drinking and the other from a bug.”

Dean blew out a breath. “Yeah.” Then it dawned on him. All the times he was sure he puked everywhere after a bender but woke up clean and in his bed. For the first time since entering the kitchen, Dean looked directly at Sam and saw resignation, patience, and possibly even affection reflected back. Words completely failed him. Sudden and complete understanding of how oblivious he'd been to what it must have done to Sam to see Dean act like their dad.

Sam searched Dean's face before nodding, a silent acceptance of Dean's revelation. “Why don't we put off the hunt for a day or two. Make sure Cas will be all right first.” Dean simply nodded, words were still too hard. “Think Cas'll want company when he wakes up.” It wasn't a question, it was a command for Dean to get his shit together and think of the needs of someone else. 

Dean nodded again. He opened his mouth to thank his brother again and apologize. Somewhere deep inside he knew words would not be enough, so he closed his mouth before heading back to Cas.

Thankfully he was still sleeping somewhat peacefully on the outer edge of the couch. Dean crept in behind Cas with as little disruption as possible. He settled himself so he was cupping as much as Cas as he could, snaking one arm around his waist. Cas pressed back against him in his sleep while letting out a contented sigh. Fresh tears pricked Dean's eyes as he thought, _I want to be better for you._ After a while, he fell asleep as well.


End file.
